8 Signs Your Emotions Are Controlling You

3. You procrastinate often

Sign number three that your emotions may be controlling you is that you procrastinate often. And this can also include having difficulty with motivation, focus, and getting easily distracted. A big part of procrastination is difficulty with emotion regulation.

Procrastination is seeking out what’s desirable in the moment. You’re seeking out that short term gratification of checking social media or watching a TV show in place of a long-term goal or something you don’t want to do.

Maybe you’re avoiding writing a paper, a blog post, doing your bookkeeping, or something that’s really not desirable. What you’re avoiding may be helping you work towards a long term goal or is just something that is important to get done but that you don’t really want to do.

When you procrastinate, you’re avoiding the uncomfortable emotions that are going to come up when you’re doing something that you don’t like, in favor of the pleasant emotions that you’re going to experience when you do something that you do like more.

Procrastination can often be a sign that your emotions are controlling you. You’re doing what you feel like doing in the moment rather than acknowledging your emotions and practicing discipline.

4. You have difficulty being alone

Sign number four that you might be avoiding your emotions is that you have difficulty being alone. Maybe you surround yourself with others, spend time often with others, or interact often with others.

This behavior can go hand in hand with always needing to be busy. It can be difficult being alone because you’re faced with your difficult emotions or thoughts. If you find yourself constantly seeking out the company of others that might be a sign that you’re avoiding difficult emotions.

5. You avoid conflict

Sign number five that you are allowing your emotions to control you is that you avoid conflict. Ultimately, conflict is uncomfortable in and of itself, because you’re having an argument or a conflict with another person. But conflict also brings up difficult emotions within yourself.

Conflict can bring up emotions of guilt, anger, irritability, frustration, anxiety, or fear. Maybe you fear disappointing others or risking the relationship or any other emotions that might come up as a result. If you find yourself avoiding conflict, part of the reason may be because you’re avoiding the difficult emotions that come up as a result. And this can be a sign that your emotions are controlling you.

6. You Crave Pleasurable Distractions

Sign number six that your emotions are controlling you is that you crave pleasurable distractions such as drinking alcohol, checking your phone, watching TV, or eating. If you often find yourself in moments where you’re craving a drink, or you’re craving that dopamine rush that comes from checking your phone or watching a TV show, or having a snack, then you might be experiencing difficult emotions under the surface.

You may be craving that pleasurable experience in order to distract yourself from uncomfortable emotions. This is common because humans want to avoid pain and seek out pleasure. When you’re experiencing difficult emotions under the surface, you’re going to experience that desire to go towards pleasurable experiences. But in the process, you may be ignoring those difficult emotions, which then in turn, are going to be controlling your behavior and the choices that you’re making.

7. You’re often irritable and easily triggered

Sign number seven that you’re allowing your emotions to control you is that you’re often irritable and easily triggered into impulsive reactions.

When you’re already experiencing difficult emotions, then you tend to be more easily irritable and easily triggered. As a result, you may be more impulsive. That’s because your emotions are building up under the surface because you’re not acknowledging them.

Let’s say you’ve been having a really stressful week, your boss has been putting a lot of pressure on you. Or maybe you’ve had deadlines that you’ve been working towards, and you’ve been really stressed. Or maybe your clients have been requiring a lot of extra time or work this week. And then you come home and your significant other says, “how come you didn’t wash the dishes?”

Then you just get triggered and you start getting really irritable and you start yelling at them. And it may seem like it’s really excessive in response to the trigger. This is the straw that broke the camel’s back, because you’ve been experiencing stress and emotional build up throughout the week or throughout the day. And then this is just the one thing that puts you over the edge.

8. You constantly overthink things

Sign number eight that your emotions control you is that you constantly overthink things. Your emotions influence the way that you think about things. If you find yourself constantly overthinking things and feeling stressed or anxious about them, this may be a sign that there are emotions under the surface of anxiety, stress, fear, or nervousness.

If you’re not acknowledging those emotions and identifying what’s under the surface of this overthinking, then your emotions are going to continue controlling you and you will continue into that cycle of overthinking.

Ask yourself, what am I afraid of? or what am I feeling right now that’s making me feel like I need to overthink things?

Your Emotions Don’t have to control you

I hope that these signs were helpful for you. And maybe you could resonate with one or more of them. Your action tip is to take the first step, and start labeling your emotions throughout the day.

Studies find that, “when you put feelings into words, you’re activating this prefrontal region and seeing a reduced response in the amygdala. In the same way you hit the brake when you’re driving when you see a yellow light, when you put feelings into words, you seem to be hitting the brakes on your emotional responses. And as a result, an individual may feel less angry or less sad.”

The amygdala is the portion in the brain that is responsible for your emotional reactions, and the prefrontal region of your brain is responsible for complex thinking and decision-making. So just labeling your emotions and putting them into words can help you feel less angry, less sad, and help you heal better.

Try labeling your emotions once daily and see if you notice a difference!

Let me know in the comments below if you can resonate with any of the 8 signs I mentioned!