Are Fear and Anxiety Secretly Motivating Your Goals?

Are you pushing yourself towards your goals and wondering if they’re driven by desire and purpose or by fear of failure or falling behind? In this episode, you’ll learn how to tell the difference between the two and how to positively realign your motivation. Let’s get into it. Welcome to calmly coping.

I’m your host, Tati Garcia. I’m a licensed therapist and a high functioning anxiety coach. Calmly coping is the podcast for people who struggle with anxiety and high functioning anxiety. Each Wednesday, you’ll hear informative episodes with actionable tips about decreasing anxiety, adopting a healthy mindset and managing your time and energy.

So you can live a calm and balanced life. Let’s get started.

Thank you so much for tuning in. Now, I’m talking about fear and anxiety kind of interchangeably in this episode, and even though they’re different, they can overlap at times. So whether you’re afraid of failing or just feeling a general sense of worry and anxiety, today’s strategies will help you to move towards a healthier, more balanced motivation.

First, let’s talk about some signs that fear and anxiety might be driving your motivation. First, maybe you feel like you’re running on a hamster wheel, always hustling to avoid failure or judgment. So if you have a fear of negative consequences, either at the front of your mind, something you’re consciously thinking about, or even in the back of your mind, you may not even be aware because it’s something that you’re so used to and so familiar with.

Maybe you’re afraid of, like I mentioned before, failure or judgment from others or any other negative consequences. consequences and it’s that fear that is under the surface and that’s kind of fueling the fire for you to take action and do more. This is something that often happens in high functioning anxiety.

This is my expertise and if you’re maybe you’ve never heard of high functioning anxiety, if You’ve been here for a while, I’m sure you’re familiar with it, but if you’re new here, you can take my free quiz to determine whether or not you have high functioning anxiety and get personalized resources. You can do that by going to hfaquiz.com or click on the link in the description or the show notes. Another sign that fear might be fueling your behaviors and your actions towards your goals are overthinking and perfectionism. So maybe you are overthinking every decision you make, or really doubting yourself a lot and fearing, feeling fearful of the choices that you’re going to make.

Or maybe you’re in a place of perfectionism and feeling stuck and like everything needs to be perfect because there’s this strong fear fear of making mistakes or maybe being judged or criticized if things aren’t the way that they quote unquote should be or that you think they should have been. And this could also look like working endlessly because you feel like it’s never good enough.

You feel as though things never meet your expectations. And there’s oftentimes this fear underlying those behaviors, this fear of any sort of negative consequences. I know I’m kind of like repeating myself, but. Ultimately, when we’re behaving from a place of fear, it is the worst case scenario that’s coming up in your mind or a negative outcome that you’re imagining that’s then kind of at the forefront of what you’re focusing on rather than all of the positive or even neutral things that could potentially happen.

Another sign that fear and anxiety might be driving your behavior is that maybe you’re constantly chasing external validation and confirmation or reassurance from others that, oh, I’m doing the right thing, or am I actually good enough? Or am I qualified? Or, you know, is my work sufficient? And that can often be coming from a place of insecurity and fear of, well, what if I’m not good enough, this feeling of imposter syndrome, or this feeling that you have to prove yourself.

And if you’re constantly seeking out these external forms of validation and not making choices and moving forward from a place of actual desire, purpose, and internal motivation, then that could be another sign. So one example could be saying yes to a project that maybe you’re not excited about, but you feel pressured to do so because you’re afraid of what others will think if you say no.

So the next step is to identify your fears. What are you actually afraid of? You might realize that there are some fears, some sensations of anxiety under the surface, but until you name it, then you cannot identify it. tame it, as the saying goes. So ask yourself, what are the fears underlying my actions?

What am I actually afraid of? So examples could be the fear of looking incompetent, and this could be imposter syndrome. It could be the fear of being judged by others, could be the fear of falling behind, the fear of not being good enough, or the fear of failure in whatever way that looks like depending on the circumstances.

I experienced some fear that was driving my behavior recently, actually, when I was drafting and outlining this podcast episode and kind of deciding, what do I want to talk about? Because I recently reduced my episode release frequency to bi weekly. And so because of that, I’m like, wow, now I have less of a chance to create content that people might enjoy.

And because of that, I was overthinking like, and it felt like a lot more pressure and I was afraid of making the wrong choice. I was afraid of choosing a topic that nobody was interested in or wouldn’t resonate. And so because of that, it resulted in procrastination and perfectionism and all of that.

And once I was able to recognize that and actually identify, okay, this is what’s happening here, then I did some of the things I’m going to share a little bit in this episode to help me to work through that. So here’s some other examples of fears that might be driving your behavior. So maybe it is, you know, what if my clients think that I’m not skilled enough?

What if I don’t work hard enough and I miss opportunities? So there can be many fears under the surface and even more than one at a time. And identifying them is the first step to moving forward and getting unstuck from them. So now let’s talk about how to shift towards either value driven, purpose driven motivation, or just motivation from a place of desire, from a place of presence, rather than a place of feeling this pressure, this fear, this worry behind every decision and action that you’re making.

Because ultimately, when you’re making decisions from a place of fear, It can result in increased stress, anxiety, and ultimately burnout because you’re not listening to the cues your body is giving you and you’re just acting from a place of survival mode and making decisions based on what you’re afraid could happen rather than looking at things from a more objective perspective.

It can also result in feeling unfulfilled or disconnected from them. meaning or from purpose when it comes to your work. Even if you’re working for a place that you feel like the mission isn’t something that aligns with your values, there can be an opportunity to look for purpose within the work that you are doing.

And when you’re just doing things because you fear, okay, I need to pursue this promotion because it’s the right next step. And because I need to do this and it’s going to look good to others. And you’re not even excited about the role, then you might feel empty inside and really worry about why you’re trying so hard rather than looking at things and asking yourself, what do I really want?

So that first step in shifting towards motivation that is not driven by fear is awareness. Now I touched on that a little bit in identifying your fear. So that kind of goes along with that identifying and becoming aware of when you are making choices and taking actions from a place of fear, because only when you’re aware, can you actually make a change.

So recognize when fear is showing up, and this could be by looking at the signs in your behavior. Maybe there’s changes in your actions. Maybe you’re procrastinating things, or maybe it’s in your thinking. Maybe you’re overthinking things, or maybe you’re, you know, experiencing a lot of self doubt. So it could show up emotionally.

It could of course show up as you feeling anxious and all of the signs and symptoms that can come along with that rapid heart rate tension in your body, feeling stressed, feeling overwhelmed. So kind of look for those signs and signals that fear might be showing up. One example is maybe you notice when you Maybe you notice that every time you think about launching a side hustle or creative side project, you tell yourself, oh, it’s not good enough yet.

And this could be an opportunity to ask yourself, well, what am I really afraid of? Why isn’t it good enough? Is it fear or criticism? Is it failing publicly and other people knowing about it? So understanding that can help you to overcome that. So the next step is reconnecting with what’s actually happening.

meaningful for you, where you actually want to be taking these decisions from. So in the example that I gave before with the podcast episode, where I was overthinking what to talk about and overthinking, you know, the decisions and doubting myself, I reconnected with, well, my values are to help and support my listeners.

And I know that this is something that affects a lot of my listeners and rather than trying to come up with the, perfect topic, which is impossible, then I’m going to do my best to come up with something that I’m personally excited about because that helps me to feel more motivated to take action and also focusing on my end goal and purpose for doing this rather than this kind of idea of what this needs to be in my head and achieving this kind of unattainable goal of Perfection.

So going back to, let’s say, starting a side hustle, let’s say you value things like creativity and connection. So how can you focus on approaching this side hustle in a way that honors those values rather than feeling like it’s not good enough? Just kind of getting started and saying, I’m going to focus on being creative and doing my best.

And honoring these values. So if it’s connection, I’m going to focus on creating relationships to help to build this business and bringing it back to those values can help you connect with desire rather than fear. And the next step are some practical strategies when it comes to to challenging these fears.

This connects with reconnecting with your values, but setting goals based on your motivation, your values and your desires rather than external pressures and what you feel others expect from you. Of course, there are always going to be external expectations, especially if you have an employer, you work with clients, customers, anything like that.

There’s always going to be expectations and recognizing and acknowledging those expectations within reason, but then also coming back to and connecting. to, okay, well, why am I doing this? What am I putting into this personally, rather than I feel like I have to do this because something terrible is going to happen if I don’t.

And that keeps you in this endless cycle of constantly doing and over working and pushing yourself and doing more and more. And. It leaves you further disconnected from yourself and from actually enjoying your life and maybe enjoying your work or even just finding some sort of value in what you’re doing, not having a value or meaning in your work is one of the contributing factors towards burnout.

And so it makes sense that identifying how your work can be meaningful. And Taking action from that place can then help you to avoid burnout that you might experience. So instead of having a goal of I want to be the best in my field, this is a fear driven goal. Maybe reframe it to, you know, keep improving my skills because I love the process of learning.

This is value driven. Maybe learning is an important value for you. Another thing you can do is challenge your fear with facts. And one example of this is, if your fear is, what if my clients think I’m incompetent, then challenge that with evidence. Have your clients ever directly said this? What proof do you have that you deliver quality work?

So I’m sure that you’ve probably received evidence that you deliver quality work, but maybe you’re kind of discounting that or ignoring that. And the self doubt is growing bigger in your mind. So looking at evidence can help you to reframe that fear and look at things from a place of facts. And the next step is to use mindfulness to ground yourself when fear driven thoughts arise.

So this can just look like. taking a pause, something that is often talked about, but maybe seen as just like, ah, that’s not really going to help or super cliche, like taking a breath, but catching yourself and acknowledging, okay, maybe you have this fear or I have to say yes to this. I need to take on this extra task or it’s going to look bad.

Pausing, taking a deep breath and acknowledging the thought. I’m going to talk about taking some space because that then allows you to make a thoughtful decision rather than an impulsive one and asking yourself, does this align with my values? Is this something that I actually want to do? Of course, this is only if this is something that is an option.

Or is this the fear talking? You know, is this me feeling like I need to do this or I’m going to miss out on an opportunity and trust that whatever decision you make, you can handle what happens. If you’re somebody who’s high achieving, I can bet that you are. already doing what you need to do in order to fulfill your job requirements.

And so it’s not about you’re going to drop the ball because oftentimes that’s an unfounded fear if you’re somebody who puts a lot of pressure on yourself and has high expectations. So it’s about why do you need to keep doing more and more and adding more to your plate? And when will enough be enough and connecting with your values can help you to discern that moment and it’s not necessarily a specific moment, but it could just be the intention that you’re carrying through your days and the focus that you’re maintaining when it comes to the decisions that you’re making with what work to take on or the work that you’re doing for your clients or colleagues or coworkers or the work that you’re doing for your clients or colleagues or customers.

So I encourage you to start by bringing awareness to the decisions, to the behaviors that you’re engaging in day to day. If you find yourself feeling stuck or if you find yourself overworking and doing too much, ask yourself, is fear maybe driving this behavior and what can I do about it? What next step can I take to take a step back and give yourself some perspective?

You deserve to live a life driven by what inspires and motivates you rather than by what scares you. And the first step is to recognize the difference, and that’s exactly what you’ve started today. Again, if you’re interested in learning more about high functioning anxiety, you can take that free quiz at hfaquiz.com. And if you’re looking to dive deeper and get more support to help you stop fear from running your life and your decisions, and keeping you stuck in overworking, putting tons of pressure on yourself, never relaxing, and more, Then this is exactly what I help my clients and students with. You can learn more about how to work with me in the description in the show notes below.

And while you wait for the next episode, I have other episodes about calming your mind, improving work life balance and feeling more confident from within. Thank you so much for tuning in today and until next time, be calm. Thanks so much for listening. If you like what you heard, please share this episode with a friend and please subscribe and leave me a review on iTunes.

Also, remember to check me out online at CalmlyCoping.com and connect with me on Instagram at TatianaGLPC. All content here is for informational purposes only. This content does not replace the professional judgment of your own mental health provider. Please consult a licensed mental health professional for all individual questions and issues.

Till next time, I’m Tati, and this has been Calmly Coping.